Faking It

After reading this amazing new post on Hyperbole and a Half, I started thinking about a few things. Firstly, I think I've read something on that blog before, but I never really took notice of how good it is. Everyone else already did apparently, as it has like a million likes on facebook, so I'm kind of late to the party. If you haven't read anything on there, I highly recommend it. It's hilarious and personal and super well written all at once.

I read part one of these depression posts second, in the wrong order. Part one actually resonated more with me, although part two is more thought out and well written. The reason part one resonated more with me is that I could relate to it. I don't think I've ever gotten to the stages outlined in part two, although after reading this blog it's very easy to see how someone would. I don't think I've ever read something about depression that's been more easy to understand.

The fact is, I don't even know if I've ever had depression, and that's really confusing. I've suspected at some points, but I've never had it confirmed. I've been to a councilor approximately once in my life, and that was not long ago. I didn't go back. It's not that she wasn't nice, or understanding. It's just that I felt like I was faking it. I find it very hard to remember feelings that are in the past. So whatever I feel like a certain day, I can't remember feeling any other way. Which makes it difficult when you feel bad one day so you book an appointment, but when that day comes you feel neutral, so saying "I felt bad a couple of days ago" feels like lying. I start wondering if I ever did feel bad, or whether that's something I made up. So I didn't go back.

The other thing is, people all feel bad at certain points, and good at certain other points. Same with anxiety. So how do you know if the feelings you have are the normal ones, or the more extreme ones? I read a lot of blogs where people talk about their depression or anxiety, and they're very sure of themselves. They've been to therapists, they know exactly what's going on. Which makes me think that maybe the only way to have the bad version of those things is if you know you have them. Is it? Does everyone know for sure they have depression or anxiety? Does anyone else feel like they're faking it when they tell someone about it? Or exaggerating?

Then again, I'm quite used to feeling bad. I feel bad quite a lot. I also feel apathetic, tired and unmotivated almost constantly. Isn't that normal though? Isn't that just being lazy? I just don't know if it's the kind you should get help for, or if it's the normal kind you should just learn to live with. I can relate really well to the section on that post about making faces to go with emotions. But I think maybe that's just part of my personality. I've been doing it for so long. I can remember starting to do it in primary school. Is that the normal one or the bad one?

Anyway I better post this before I decide it's way too personal and delete it all. I'll accompany it with some photos of my new Hello Kitty Vans. I like these shoes very much.

They're dead now. For sure.

I know everyone has this jumper but I don't carreeeee
Jeremy Scott can suck it. This is one of the few times where I don't give a crap about high street brands making designer rip-offs. If you're gonna rip off the internet, be prepared to be ripped off yourself.

I just finished The Walking Dead game... oh my god! So intense. Definitely one of the best games I've played in a while. I mean, I'm loving Tomb Raider but in the same way you love cheesy action movies. I highly recommend The Walking Dead game if you like well written story-driven games. One of the best things about it is that your choices within the game determine the storyline somewhat. I say somewhat, because the same stuff is going to happen in the end. The main story doesn't change. But the details within the game are different, to the point where you miss different sections and see different parts depending on what you do. And it's just really well written! For once, a game where characters are relatable, and act in realistic ways. I really hope they make a sequel. (Semi-spoiler if you highlight after this) I want the next one to be ten years later, where you play a grown up Clementine who's a complete badass because she's grown up seeing so much terrible shit. It's not that much of a spoiler, but you never know, she could have died at the end. Speaking of which, am I the only person ever who saved Doug and not Carly?

Screenshot courtesy of www.videogamesblogger.com

Tardigrade

Here's what I wore to Supanova:

It wasn't as good as last year, to be very honest, although that was mainly due to bad organising - everyone we wanted to see talk did their talks on Saturday, and we went on Sunday because of work. Like Adam Baldwin and Rose McGowan :( We saw Adam Baldwin doing autographs though, which was awesome! Jane IRL. Maybe the fact that I couldn't give two shits about David Hasselhoff and there was no one from Battlestar there didn't help. And we'll probably never live up to the five mins of fame we had as Adventure Time cosplayers when it was only getting popular. Ah well.

Osc and Ham getting friendly with Gandalf. Later on we went home and had a nice game of Talisman.

Which was the first time playing with the city expansion. Pretty fun! Getting thrown in jail from the middle of the dungeon was confusing and hilarious. As usual, it went on way too long and we ended up battling each other for the win. Hamish was the clear winner, but in a moment of weakness he allowed me to fight him using craft and I ended up winning. Such is Talisman.

Sometimes I have this sad feeling when I think of being younger, because back then, being naive meant that I hadn't been exposed to as much fashion or art and I was more enthusiastic about my own ideas. It's good to understand the context of what you're bringing into the world, but at the same time it can be a bit creativity stifling to know that someone else has done it before you and it's not an original idea. Basically, it's hard to be enthusiastic about ideas of your own that you don't think are very original. Anyone else have a problem with this? Sure, it's better to know what you're influenced by so you don't just rip them off and make something terrible. But what if you lose all motivation in the process?

I'm about a fifth of the way through my Camp Nano writing, and it's just over halfway through the month. Not looking good! The journal has a name now though - Moss Piglet.

Easter, brewing and jewellery making

A squinty eyed outfit pic

Beautiful Ashley, who makes the tote bag in my previous post, and many others.

Not the Orthodox Easter, which is what my family celebrates. Still, went to my Nana's for 'normal' Easter. I'm doing a series of interviews with her about her life, which is very interesting. I've never interviewed someone about their life before. Biography websites give tips like, "Ask what chores they had to do as a child, and how much pocket money they got," which is almost laughable for people who grew up in Russia during WW2. I could write a book about her life, or I could just write some records for the family to have. I'm not sure yet.

In homebrewing news, we're brewing an oatmeal coffee stout.

And in jewellery news Delish Beads are fricking awesome, and I've made a bunch of jewellery that I love.

In writing news, I'm supposed to be doing Camp Nanowrimo, but my laptop's been broke/ being repaired for this whole time. So I'm like eight days behind. I wrote the first day on my phone, and then decided that sucked and I'd just catch up. I now have quite a lot of sci-fi writing to do! But since I'm writing short stories this time, I made my word limit only ten thousand. A bit more relaxed than fifty, let me tell you.

I'm just a boy with a new haircut

Aaaaah really happy with my new haircut! It's been a whole year since I got it cut so it feels gooood. It's also nice to cut off all the shitty bleached bits that were fried beyond recognition. I might put a new colour in the ends later on but right now it's good and healthy. Hoorah. Thanks go to the lovely Kelly at http://pepperminteyecandyhair.tumblr.com/ :)))

Unashamed selfie at Footscray station, for the record there were heaps of people around me.

Aaaand my new Ashley Ronning design cat and pineapple bag! Love it. She's selling them on facebook or I guess from her tumblr.

Yeah yeah!

Australian Women Writers Challenge - The Stone Key by Isobelle Carmody

So I signed up for this thing, the Australian Women Writers Challenge, which exists to support and promote books by Australian women. Which I think is a fine thing to do, being an Australian woman and all. You sign up and decide how many books you're going to read and/or review, and then you link your reviews back to their site. Considering I was already halfway through The Stone Key by Isobelle Carmody, I thought I could just start with that one. This will be the first of 3 reviews that I do.

I've previously blogged about Isobelle Carmody and how excited I was to meet her at Supanova a couple of years ago. After re-reading the rest of the Obernewtyn series, I read The Stone Key for the first time. I first started this series in around Year 7 or 8, when I was about twelve. I loved the series very much back then, so it was interesting to revisit it as an adult, as I hadn't read it since. To be fair, between publishing the forth and fifth book, there was a ten year gap. So it wasn't exactly possible to continue being a "young adult" while reading it. They've also started publishing the whole series with new covers, which means everyone who had the old ones has half the series in a different cover set now *hyperventilates*. I mean... it doesn't sound like a big deal. But to me it is. I liked the old ones better! They don't look pretty on my book shelf! Anyway.

Old Cover

New cover... waaah I'm a little baby

I might as well do a *spoiler* alert here. I won't go too much into the storyline, but there might be some mentions.

The Stone Key begins where it left off in The Keeping Place, with the rebellion in the Land kicking off. Considering the actual size of this book, which is fricking huge, but also the huge font size, I'm really confused about whether it's longer than The Keeping Place or not. My main issue with The Keeping Place was that it was a lot of conversation and not much action at all, which would be great if the conversation was interesting rather than superfluous.

The Stone Key had a much stronger storyline and a lot more things happened. Which made it more enjoyable to read. Unlike the previous books, where you got the feeling that the end of the series was indefinitely far away, she's really outlined what will happen, or what the protagonist, Elspeth, thinks will happen. This probably comes from the ten years of planning the rest of the series!

Even though I did really enjoy this book, I have a bunch of criticisms which I can't ignore. I kind of wish I'd been able to just finish it while I was in high school and while I had a less critical mind about writing. But there you go.

My first criticism is that while embracing wholly the 'first person' viewpoint she'd set up for herself with the first couple of books, there really is just too much *thinking* included. It's realistic, yes, but it's also very tedious. Although it's a great example of excessive character development for the protagonist, AND I'm keeping in mind this book is intended for young adults, so a bit more plot explanation might be deemed necessary (by some people - I would argue not,) there was still far too much stewing over Elspeth's thoughts. We know she would be OBSESSING about these things. It's what we would be doing in her place. We don't have to go through absolutely all of it with her, you know? We got the gist by the second chapter. It just gets really repetitive. Half of it was necessary, and the other half seemed like overkill.

Secondly, every time there was a conversation or a meeting between people, as in The Keeping Place, they would sit down, someone would bring in plates of humble-yet-mouthwatering food, and after the conversation it would be packed away. I mean, are these descriptions really necessary? Again, it's the same every time, and the food they're eating isn't exactly relevant to the storyline. It seemed really superfluous and turned scenes which could have been quick and simple into long, drawn out food porn, essentially.

The story and characters of this book were definitely its strongest point. Without giving anything away, Carmody's strayed into much darker territory this time, and with much more interesting results. The darkest parts of the book were the most engaging, for sure. And there were some sad parts which in which I felt genuine emotion, which is always a good sign.

So basically my experience with reading this book was both positive and negative. I would love to have read the exact same book, minus half the descriptions and musings. I feel like it really just needed a better editor. There were times when I couldn't put it down, and then other times when it felt like it was dragging on. Nevertheless I will be reading the next one and the one after that, of course. It's an epic story, combining fantasy and sci-fi and dystopian futures (or pasts?) and those are the things that I love about it. The sense of adventure, the powers, the socio-political kind of themes. It just needs some intensely strict editor to go "I'm cutting it up and that's all there is to it. No more plates of cheese and warm bread."

Space Butts

Can't believe holographic material and space are actually a trend right now... but I am NOT complaining. Who knows when this much shiny shit will be in stores again? I'm wearing something very similar to this to our gig tonight at The Tote... playing front bar! Amazing! COME AND WITNESS.