I've been thinking a lot about my clothes recently and how my dressing has been affected by the internet. Or rather, how I take in information. When I was in high school, I never used to think of myself as someone who was interested in fashion, just someone who was interested in dressing. I didn't know the names of any designers, nor was I interested in learning about them. I was, however, obsessed with the look of certain materials, with costumes from period dramas, and with Japanese street fashion. I had no idea what Fruits was or where the pictures were coming from, but I saved up and bought the first book, even though it was expensive... because I just needed to look at the pictures all the time. I vowed to get a sewing machine, and to start making epic Final Fantasy costumes after discovering that people actually did it and that it was called cosplay.
When I think back to how old I was while this was happening, it seems really weird because I had no idea about blogs, or about anything. I never bought fashion magazines, and I never read anything to do with fashion. The clothes I wore to sixth form were either jeans, a tshirt and converse; something bizarre based on an anime I'd seen the night before; or a medieval fantasy costume. But I would never have said that it was 'fashion'. And now, I guess it's about ten years later, but there are literally thirteen-year-olds with blogs about feminism and white privilege. Like, at that age I would have scoffed at feminism and called something gay as an insult. I don't know. I feel like a very late developer in comparison. If I had read all these blogs and articles at that age, I'm sure I would have learnt a lot faster. Were they around them? Or did I just not read them?
Anyway, while I feel obviously a lot better educated now (you'd hope so, at twenty three) I also feel kind of lost when it comes to clothes. Back then, I had a much clearer idea of what I wanted to wear, because I didn't ingest even a fraction of the amount of images I do now. I feel like I've been looking at fashion blogs and tumblr for so long that I don't even know if I like some clothes that I see or not. Everyone else likes them... and in a sense I can see why... but at the same time, I feel like I'm just being swept away in a wave of trends. And then there're trends that are not officially mainstream, but are like 'internet trends', and I see them so much that I can't understand whether everyone is wearing that shit or whether it's actually an underground thing. And then, why do I care so much whether something is mainstream or not? Because it's always affected how I dress, and I can't ignore it? Or is it just that I can't figure out if it's actually me or not?
All of this resulted in me deciding last night that I hate those high waisted cut-off-to-the-crotch denim shorts everyone is wearing and everything associated with that look! Probably just because they look really bad on me. And also because I'm getting bored of seeing that look on a million different people. So in an effort today to get back to my dressing roots, I wore this:
Trusty poncho, which I don't wear enough, always makes me feel a bit Fruits. I was going to wear goth lipstick as well but I had to rush out and forgot about it. Even though those jeans are baggy and 80's as hell, I love them. I don't know why. I'm usually self conscious about wearing them because they aren't that flattering but fuck it, who cares about flattering? It's probably the worst concept to ever plague people's self esteem. It was nice to wear stuff that I love because it's comfortable and I feel like I'm not trying to be anything, I'm just being myself. More updates on that to come.