I know where you went but I don't know how you got there

Actually I do, you were wearing these...

And everyone along the way said you were fucking cool.

Vivienne Westwood x Melissa, so of course they're rubber, and like SOOO comfortable and squishy. They look kind of grey in my shitty camera but really they're that weird purple/green colour that changes from different angles. They're like Alice in Wonderland mixed with burlesque mixed with industrial. And they were in the clearance section of some shop in Perth. I am VERY VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

On Ruts and New Years Whatever

So it's coming up to that time of year when I start thinking about how new years resolutions are stupid, and how I never fulfill any of them, and how I'd like to be a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON next year, and then there's a montage in my head involving fairy floss, carnivals, and cutting paper into works of art that make people cry. And then inevitably I'm fantasising about living in an old two story townhouse in East Brunswick with wood floors and burgundy curtains.

So while I haven't cried, given up and decided to become a professional 'person who waits for Diablo 3 to come out,' I thought I'd have a think about what my realistic dreams are. As the well known anonymous Coburg job centre employee once said, "You just finished an arts degree, and you want to work in retail?"

1. Go on a journey

I was thinking about this last night. I'm going to go on a journey, or several, or they're going to be part of the same journey. It's going to be a journey that takes me through inspirational things, and leads me to ideas that I can become excited about. And goddamnit, I am actually going to do it this time! I feel like a lot of people feel the same way as me - that they're artistic, but unmotivated and lazy. That they could be doing things if they felt like it, but they just don't for whatever reason. And that they want to skip to the end of being a famous artist without doing all the hard stuff. Well you know what? That's just fucking lazy. Get over it.

2. Do more making shit

Also lazy am I for knowing that I am happiest making, and never making. Making begets more making I believe. So while I am being optimistic, I pledge to make heeappps of shit next year, in any and all spare time I have, and also in some of the more non-spare time. As a known lazy person, I will conquer my laziness by making whatever comes to mind with whatever is in the house. No excuses, and no getting addicted to like five tv shows at the same time. And no point, apart from the knowledge that it will do something for my sanity.

3. Less obsession with other people

Is this possible? Who knows. I had one of those tiny epiphanies today where I realised that dressing, and being concerned with clothing, is another way to embody other people when you're not as comfortable with yourself. Whenever I feel like I'd rather be someone else (which is often) I can just put the clothes on that a confident/interesting/whatever person would wear, and pretend that I am someone else. Which is pretty unhealthy and teenagerish. So maybe less thinking about other people and more accepting that I am one person and not everyone.

4. More bike riding

Duh.

5. You know what? I'm having a pretty hard time of thinking of anything concrete to aim for next year let alone ever, so I might leave it at that. I kind of think those top three are my ongoing life goals anyway, and have been forever. Well, let's make it happen this time instead of bumming around under the pretense of studying.

Actually,

6. Take more photos.

Because I seriously am not documenting any of the people around me enough. I know there's the whole, 'live in the moment rather than taking photos' thing but I have a reallly bad memory and I know I will be upset when it's all gone. And I don't take any so a few couldn't hurt my enjoyment of moments.

Oh yeah... and maybe one of these:

Photo courtesy of someone on fyeahsticknpoke.tumblr.com

Arguing with stupid people: channelling your inner Richard Dawkins

Maybe it's a coincidence that I'm staying with my parents for Christmas and I decided to write this post, maybe it isn't. It obviously isn't but I was thinking maybe some people also feel this way at the dreaded close-familial-proximity time known as December.

So - arguing with stupid people! Fun fun! Right? WRONG. It is fucking soul destroying. We all know those times when you're talking to someone who literally doesn't understand logic, and so uses arguments against you that have no basis in reason. It is really, really hard not to lose your shit. For example:

Stupid person: I have this stupid opinion.

You: Really? I don't share that opinion, here's mine.

Stupid person: GOD, everything you think is so simplistic/apathetic/leftist/extreme/ridiculous/WRONG. NOT EVERYONE (insert something you didn't mention.)

You: I wasn't even saying that, why are you getting so angry about it?

Stupid person: (condescending "quiet" voice) I'm not angry, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Not everyone has your opinions and That's Ok. You need to stop trying to control everyone. You need to have more respect for people's beliefs.

You: Ha, ok. (Head explodes)


The reason I mentioned good old Dick Dawkins earlier is because whatever you think of him and his opinions, he has definitely been in a lot of recorded debates which go a lot like this. Stupid people will just use words - any words, familiar words, words that sound like they're to do with the topic, and all the other stupid people think it's a logical argument. Everyone claps, Richard facepalms, the end. I've seen him in these situations time and time again and his patience is preeettty admirable. I would be red in the face and anger-crying by then. That's because I haven't learnt to channel him.

Today, having a similar argument to the one above, I found myself almost in the anger-crying phase and knew I had to do something about it.  It's like a zen mind control game where you're trying to meditate while someone is constantly insulting you, loudly. There's only so much "Calm ocean, calm ocean, calm GO FUCK A TREE. LITERALLY FUCK A TREE RIGHT NOW." that you can take.

Where am I going with this? Basically, today during that conversation I realised that although nobody in the room could see my point of view, and everyone in the room was being ultra superior, I knew I was still right. And I thought about Richard, in his debates, and I knew that the stupid people were all clapping for each other, but that still didn't make them right. They were using words the only way they knew. And perhaps I should just leave it this time and save my brain power for a conversation in which people have brains.

DISCLAIMER: It may seem like it, but I am not talking about all religious people when I mentioned the debates Richard Dawkins had. He's had a lot of debates with intelligent people too, religious or not. I was talking specifically about the stupid people, who are from any and all belief systems and whatever.

I feel like something doesn't make sense

Now go on, make friends follow your dreams ignore the bullies, tell the teacher, don't be friends with her, she's trouble, do your homework play violin, don't talk during class never do that again, follow your dreams be happy. Well done you're good at reading, try harder at maths wear your uniform properly tie your shoelaces, don't draw on the walls don't draw on the pavement draw on paper during free time good well done that's a nice picture of an angel that's a nice picture of a house no don't draw yourself as a devil surfing on lava that's very bad. what is this don't shout at boys don't hit them with sticks don't play with those kids this is very bad your behaviour has not been good and needs to get better. Good grades well done keep doing your homework keep following your dreams haha what you want to be an astronaut have a more realistic dream you can't be that it's too hard you won't be able to. You can do and be whatever you want work as hard as you can follow all the rules and you'll be at the top of the class you'll get into the best university you need to study for these exams just follow the rules just learn everything just do what the teacher says follow your heart don't go out to the cinema i don't want to see you with that boy again follow your heart study harder if you don't get into university you won't have a good job choose your career now choose what you like choose something remember to study hard write essays follow your dreams do what you think is right. You know what's right and wrong follow your heart, don't go to that protest don't get arrested don't walk there don't sit there don't camp there, what are you going to do when you finish, get a job work for someone follow your dreams get a job, pay the bills and rent get a job so you can buy the things you want buy more things and support the economy, if you work hard you'll be a contributing member of society, don't go on centrelink it's demoralising, get a job follow your dreams. Stop complaining about what you don't understand, you know in your heart what's right and wrong, stop being biased and prejudiced understand it's all there to help you, one day you'll be rich too, one day you'll understand, don't be so naive, follow your dreams, trust us.

Anger Issues

I will admit it:

I am an angry killjoy.

I like to talk about bad things that are happening in the world. I like to question the ethics of the media, the government and consumerism. I like to question everything, especially my own opinions and where I have gotten them from. I like to question whether something that I enjoy is good for the world. I like supporting left wing politics, sometimes extreme ones.

I don't like jokes which are perpetuating harmful mindsets. I don't like shaving my underarms or legs. I don't think money or the economy should be the biggest priority in the world.

For that, I am an angry, immature killjoy.

And aside from being angry about that, I like to sit in my room, at my computer, and allow myself an ironic, angry smile. Sometimes not even ironic. Because people are terrible, and the world is terrible, but I know for certain that there are people out there in search of the truth.

For a while now I've been trying to write a blogpost about this article by Christopher Hitchins. It's an older one, but I only read it a couple of weeks ago, after one of my housemates pointed it out to me.

To me, this article is obviously redundant. Its arguments are very weak, it mostly refers to the author's personal opinions which are not in any way universal, and it should be considered offensive by most progressive people by now.

However, I've had this conversation with people before - with people, who, however much they consider themselves not to be sexist, think that there is somehow a valid, objective argument to be found in saying that women are generically, overall, under-the-one-umbrella less funny than men.

I was going to use this space to go through all my arguments in a meticulous manner. But I can't be bothered.

Let me get one thing straight -

You CANNOT argue that women are less funny than men. If you do, you are discriminating against women, because you are saying that half of everyone in the whole world are not as good at something as the other half are, based on their gender. That is discrimination. You are sexist.

I DO NOT care how many female comedians you can name, how many you find funny, and how many male ones there are in comparison. I do not care if you acknowledge that there is the possibility for the 'funniest woman' to be as funny as the 'funniest man', but you think that overall women aren't as funny - You are sexist.

I also do not care if you think being funny is an objective thing, because it clearly isn't. You are an idiot, and sexist.

And if you want to stop being called sexist, then you need to stop being sexist.

Since when did being offensive become edgy?

I would also like to say that I am sick of people ignoring what I say on the grounds that 'we can't censor anyone, that would make everything boring.' You know what? I am not trying to censor anyone - in fact, I'd much rather people were completely honest so we know who the douchbags are. I am trying to teach people that they should open their minds a little, and see things from someone else's perspective. I am trying to tell them that although they've always had that opinion, maybe they should give it another think - because they haven't thought about where they've gotten it from. And if they do, and they still think the same thing - I will try and teach them again.

Because the world is not right at the moment, and we all need to do tiny things to improve it.

The Zoo.

Today I went to the zoo because my poetry class required me to, also I like the zoo. It's a strange kind of like though; I love animals and I love seeing them irl, but there's also the whole enclosures thing. And then I love that the zoo is helping keep endangered species alive, but I hate that we made them endangered in the first place. I had to write a poem about an animal, based on Ted Hughes and stuff, but I actually just ended up writing one about zoos. Anyway, here is my zoo outfit:

I cut my head out of the first one because it was seriously deranged. I've been looking at a lot of japanese street blogs recently (and forever) so it was kind of inspired by them. You can't really see my sequin shoes but they are sparkly in real life. And I'm really feeling the whole chunky jewelry thing atm.

So anyway, the main thing I was thinking at the zoo was do these animals feel like their life has a purpose? I mean, I know they don't specifically think about those things in that way, but do they somehow feel the meaninglessness? Because if I was an animal, I think I would feel satisfied with hunting, sleeping, exploring and having babies. So if you take away everything except sleeping (and having babies when the zookeepers allow I guess, but there aren't many options, what if you don't fancy any of the animals in your pen? And there are never any others EVER?) do they feel restless and bored, and directionless? Is this just me projecting my life onto animals?

I just looked at them, and they were all either pacing around or sleeping. It makes me feel like they somehow knew that their life was comfortable but boring. And I feel like they'd rather be able to hunt if it meant there was a chance they might starve.

And then I thought, what does this mean for humans? I mean, we've pretty much done the same thing to ourselves. We live in a comfortable but ultimately pointless existence. We don't get to hunt or forage, or build a lot of the time. If we've provided all the necessary shelter and food for ourselves (I'm talking first world here of course, but that's a whole 'nother issue) then are we just left with an empty bored feeling? That everybody experiences, but because they're told that they should be satisfied with what they have, are just confused?

Here's the first draft of the poem, which of course, having been explained in the above rant, seems clumsy and redundant, BUT still:

The seahorse and the lion

drift, propelled by buzzing petals,

pacing grids, heavy skinned,

float to stop and graceful grip

while the keepers mow the lawn.

Tiny black jelly orbs stare

and restless, deprived of the hunt,

sleep like blue translucent leaves.

Bored and majestic.

When day and night merge flatly,

and once enclosure has been explored,

the cerulean depths found solid

and no antelope appear –

What then?

Oh and p.s. meercats are amazing.

Outfit: tiger jumper, Topshop; key necklace, Tiffany; denim vest, second hand; dress, second hand; socks, American Apparel; shoes, some cheap shoe shop

Meowwww

Finally got around to finishing my zine today, because I'm totally motivated and stuff (read: assignments due.) So now the thing is to figure out how I can afford to make at least ten more copies to send to Sticky! Ergh money etc. For now there is one finished copy, sans welcome note because I'm not sure what to write in there yet. It's called Realistic Motivational Notes From Cats. The concept came to me a while ago when I was thinking there's a lot of things it'd be nice to be reminded of more often. Little internal things that stifle motivation and creativity, or just general self esteem. So I decided I would make a zine in which some of these things were written, so that the reader could cut out the pages that they needed the most and stick them around their room, or carry them around, or whatever.

And then I thought... It'd be funnier if the notes were from cats. Hence:

Courtesy of my crappy, crappy digital camera. It runs on two AA batteries. Not quite retro, sadly.

If anyone wants a copy, send me an email at shell.shock.radio@gmail.com. I don't know how much I will be selling them for yet, but once I've worked out the costs, it shouldn't be too much. :)

Oh, and it was typed on my Woodstock 5N.

That is all.

Life on Mars?

My name is Becky and today I decided that a) I would start my blog, and b) I don't actually hate Zooey Deschanel.

In regards to a), i'd like to say:
Hi, welcome to my new blog. I've had a couple of blogs before, but always just writing, and always obscure teenage angst posts or short stories. While I may not be a teenager anymore, I am certainly still filled with angst and hopefully still filled with short stories. I've come to the conclusion that blogs are only interesting when you get to see pictures of the blogger and get a feel for their personality, and I also noticed that the internet has a shortage of fashion bloggers. (HAHA HA ha...ha..*slap*) So you're going to see pictures of me wearing clothes.

But clothes are not all I am interested in, dear readers! (I know using the plural is a bit hopeful at this stage, but optimism is fun sometimes!) (p.s. hi housemates.)
I also like reading books, playing in bands, and playing computer games. Maybe you'll get to hear a little bit about those interests too. I like theorising about the universe, and about people, and all that stuff. You do too? Kewl. Let's be friends.

And so to start it off, here's a .gif of the clothes I was wearing today. Which leads me directly into b).




Zooey Deschanel. Ahh. Ever since watching Tin Man like four years ago, the sci-fi channel's remake of the Wizard of Oz, I think I've been very harsh on her. It's true, I liked her sarcastic stoner voice and her baggy pants. But I started to get annoyed, because she was much smaller, cuter, deadpan-er and generally cooler than me. Then, a couple of years and movies later, she started She and Him. That Reeeaally grated on me. Her cute little skirts? Her vintage charm? Ukulele playing?!?! RAAARRR *Turns into godzilla*

And then yesterday, I read Rookiemag. A site intended for teenage girls. Well you know what? I think that every non-teenager needs to admit that they can still learn stuff they should've learnt a long time ago, if they stop being so stubborn. Although I've known about girl-hate for a while, it's taken me this long to notice that my hate of Zooey Desch wasn't actually to do with some sort of inherent aversion to kitsch, or of cheesy hipster music, but it was actually just plain old girl-hate. I wanted to be the sarcastic one! I wanted to be the small, cute one! And then I read her little article on the site, telling about her experiences of high school, and I knew somehow that she wasn't putting the cute thing on to be cool, or to be part of some sort of scene. I realised she was just actually like that.

So after mulling it over last night, my outfit today was inspired by the NOWNESS + Rodarte film with Elle Fanning in it, and also all the new Rodarte for OC, because of the side swiped hair with a clip thing. And the rest was a homage to Zooey.

Outfit; shoes: second hand, tights: Vroom & Dreesmann, skirt: second hand, top: Mango, hair clip: from when I was about eleven, David Bowie necklace: made by Oscar Casley.